CONFESSIONS OF A PEOPLE PLEASER

Something that I admit to being - a people pleaser. On the outset, the term itself seems non-threatening and rather uncontroversial. However, those who know this feeling of being a full on people pleaser, know the issues that we face. Don't get me wrong there are real benefits to being a people pleaser - we do not fight for no reason, positivity is our best friend, and making others feel good about themselves is a trait that should never be overlooked, and we people pleasers know how to do this in spades. The issues we face are often within ourselves, and the conflict we choose to avoid in public with other people, we deal with inside ourselves instead. It is often the case that I can mope around and feel sorry for myself. Upon reflection of the reason why, it is often the case that I do not know why I am mopeing around feeling sorry for myself. It is something I battle with a lot because I think there is nothing more unattractive then someone feeling sorry for themselves, and hence, wanting others around them to feel sorry for them also. A state they had put themselves in, in the first place. 

The need to please others who may be in a position in your mind that you must please them, is an unhealthy need. I think I often get mixed up with pleasing others and having manners. The line gets blurred between the two where you use your manners so much to the point, where you are sacrificing your own dignity just to please people. I wish I knew how to fix this part of me. The other reason why it is unhealthy is because the feelings of sacrifice get the better of you and then it gets taken out on the people closest to you. If there were any things that I could take back in my life it would be hurtful words that may have come out of mouth at my most weakest moments. The lack of confidence to address conflict in life is also something that holds us people pleasers back from resolution. From personal experience, I get so terrified of resolving conflict that I would rather sweep it under the rug. I even find it difficult to write this without getting teary. It seems stupid to think this. A people pleaser and emotional. This combination is a killer and it can rip us up inside. 

I for one, want to find hope. Hope that there is a silver lining. I think my hope takes form in the fact that there are much worse ways to be. Perhaps the challenge is to harness that trait and utilise it to further ourselves. People pleasing can take shape in something much larger and greater and has the ability to do real good. We just need to step out of the rut and work hard to not let those feelings get the best of us.

Nā Keriata