MUSIC AT ODDS

I feel at odds when it comes to music. One of my largest achievements so far in my life is gaining a Bachelor of Music (and soon with Honours) and yet I still feel like there is so much more for me to learn. I constantly get questioned as to what I would do with a music degree and what kind of career path that would lead me too. When I meet someone for the first time and they ask me what I studied, I tell them music, which often then leads to a somewhat confused glance and then the question, "what instrument do you play?" follows. I play a little bit of piano, guitar and I sing, but I don't actually play any of those things particularly well. So I then have to explain that my major was in instrumental/vocal composition (the writing of the music), but then I tend to confuse others even more by saying that my major changed in my honours year to music studies. Whatever that is. 

I have a deep love for music. I love the way it makes me feel. Finding meaning to that has been difficult. I knew from school that it was what I wanted to study, however I didn't know how that would look 5 years later. Prior to going to university I was so naive to think that I had my life sorted for the following years it would take me to do my degree. Never had I thought that at 24 I would have two children, be engaged and have an honours degree in music. Throughout my degree I must say I learned a lot. I was challenged, intrigued, entertained, nervous, worried, excited and overall educated in the space of instrumental/vocal composition. However, I couldn't help but feel once I got to the  end of the degree that I hadn't learned about the music that I was interested in or would give more meaning for me. That may seem a little selfish, but it didn't give me much direction in where I would want to go next in the space of music. I felt a natural connection when I realised that the music I should be studying and researching is Māori music. This thought may seem obvious, but I had a preconceived notion in my mind prior to starting university that I had to learn and hence, write and create music and content that we were taught in class. Never did I think that Māori music could exist in the realms of a serious musical institute. However, this also showed my naivety and real lack of knowledge earlier on, because once I changed my major to music studies in my honours year, I realised that this was where I could engage in music that I love and is significant to me.

Music in my personal life has always been a relationship where I listen to music I enjoy. It seems that the two spaces between music for study and music for pleasure don't necessarily seem to intersect in my world, which is surprising for an overall music lover like me. I'm not sure if this post is significant or makes sense to anyone else but myself, however at the end of the day, I have learned (and perhaps the idea has been reinstated in me) that we must do what we love in order to be fulfilled. At times it can be shaky and you may even get to the point where you want to give up, but it does seem to work out in the end. Career wise, music has lead me to interesting places (like working for the only Māori arts organisation in NZ at this point) and as I get older I wish to continue to have meaningful encounters and experiences.

Nā Keriata